In my last relationship, it was really hard for me to understand how I could be with someone for almost four years and suddenly have it all fall apart in one night. I know that life has its way of snapping you back into reality, and apparently me breaking up from with my ex was it. Even though I was hurt, I didn't let the experience scar and cripple me. I know that I'm an intelligent, beautiful, and determined woman who has a lot to bring to the table. I took a year to be selfish and focus solely on my needs and desires. As I've already posted, I'm bisexual (more about the family reveal in another post). In April of this year, I met a woman that at the time I didn't realize would have such an impact on my life. Quite frankly, I consider her "el amor de mi vida" (love of my life). After my last relationship, I had almost given up on love. I don't necessarily think it was me putting up a wall as much as me forgetting how to give love to anyone. It's known that if someone experiences a trauma, the mind represses the event as protection. When I became single again, my mind repressed love faster than my heart did.
During my year of singularity, I dated...I mean, why wouldn't I? Some of the individuals were nice for kicks & giggles. One particular individual was really nice, but I felt as if I would corrupt him. Another one just wasn't working out & no matter what I did, he just seemed to continue to see me through rose colored glasses. I mean, if you drove 100 miles to spend time with someone and that person made you sleep on the futon NEXT TO the bed in the room....WOULD YOU REALLY STAY THE NIGHT??? It just came down to me hurting his feelings. I'm normally a nice person, but he required much more severe tactics. All in all, I refused to settle for something that I didn't want. I was totally against relationships at this point, but I secretly wanted one. Ironic right?
As aforementioned, in April I met a wonderful woman who I didn't realize would have such an impact on my life at the time. On December 17, 2009 she made me one of the happiest ladies on this planet :). Some ppl may say that it's awfully soon for someone to propose to me, but "when you know you know". I know that our relationship is viewed by most as "alternative" or me just being so "desperate" that I would take love from a man or a woman, but I see it as beautiful and amazing. I wouldn't trade her for anything in the world. I look at her daily and see how much happier my life has become. She's made my grinch-like emotions melt into a heart of gold again. Cheesy I know, but it's true. I know that this time around I won't have to worry about whether my better half will be able to catch me if I fall...
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